I Couldn't Do It

After careful consideration and many teeter-totter thoughts during the decision process of whether or not I should travel to Korea to bring home babies to their American families, I decided not to go. I thank you all so much for your wisdom and advice regarding this decision. As much as I believe in this trip and would love to jump at this opportunity, the thought of leaving my baby and Sanjay tears my heart into pieces. Now is just not the time; my family needs me right now and I know I wouldn't fully embrace the experience at this stage of my life. Sanjay was very supportive and encouraged me to do what makes me happy. My family brings me the most joy and being away from them, even if it is only for four days, would disrupt my joy. What was a thinking? Pax can't even take a nap without me missing him. Plus, he is changing and growing so much each day. This opportunity is not a once in a lifetime opportunity. Babies will come year after year and I still will be able to fulfill this dream in the future. Thanks to everyone for your support!

I'm Torn Between a Career Dream and Pax

As many of you know, I am very passionate about underprivileged children and believe all children deserve a loving home regardless where they were born. This rock solid belief along with seeing first hand the poverty and absolute filthy living conditions some children live in in developing countries ( I hate the word "Third World") is why I chose my career as an international adoption social worker. I am an advocate for children all over the world and believe that while respecting and cultivating an appreciation for the child's culture, providing a lifelong commitment to the child and the challenges associated with adopting abroad, and having the capability of loving a child that was born to another person as if you gave birth to that child, and as long as all other placement opportunities are exhausted in the birth country, children should and need to be adopted abroad.

Anyway, I love, love, love traveling abroad and have been waiting for an opportunity to travel with FAC (Family Adoption Consultants) to Korea to bring home the children to their families. I would actually be bringing home a child to a family that I have been working with since March (I wrote their homestudy). I would be gone four days total.

The dilemma is that I have a two and a half month old baby boy whom I absolutely adore and he needs me. I know I would miss him terribly and don't want to miss a second of his life. On the other hand, this has been a dream of mine for many years and mothers go back to work all of the time right? Plus, my mom would be off of work for the holidays and so would Sanjay. All expenses are paid for and it would only be four days. But four days is a long time to be away from my baby. HELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!! Any suggestions???

Uncle Jacob and Pax

I finally got a picture of Uncle Jacob and Pax. Look how cute they both are. Jacob is a senior this year and is very interested in attending BW.

Raking, Bunny Ears, Maddy, & Put-In-Bay

We have had such beautiful weather the past couple of days I wanted Pax to see and smell all of the beautiful leaves. Here is a video of me and Pax raking the leaves in our front yard. Pax was so tired he fell asleep in the middle of it!

This second pic may be a blackmale pic in Pax's teenage years. I love this little hat with ears. My cousin's mom, Andrea hand stitched this hat for Pax along with a sweater and blanket and booties. He looks so cute in them!

Pax also had a play date with my friend Julie's daughter Maddy. Pax was trying to put the moves on her. Julie and I experienced very similar pregnancies and she was a huge support through my pregnancy. Pax and Maddy are only a couple weeks apart.

Our neighbors let us borrow a few articles of clothing and here is a picture of Pax in his first pair of jeans.

This weekend was Pax's first vacation. Our friend Emily from our marriage group was nice enough to plan an entire weekend marriage retreat in Put-In Bay. This is our second annual. Last year we went to Hocking Hills. I was a little apprehensive taking Pax because he is so young, but it turned out great and we are glad we were able to give him that experience, even though he won't remember it. He adjusted well and slept and ate well. There was a little girl Pax's age there too! Our friends Kasey and Melissa had Lillian four days after Pax. Speaking of babies. Our marriage group will have five new babies in 13 months. Three of us (Pari, Melissa, and I) have already had babies this year and two more are preggers (J & Megan). Sanjay and I are sooooo excited and blessed to have them in our lives. Every person/couple in our group was so helpful in caring for Pax, helping transporting our many bags, and providing lunch and dinner for us. We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast and had events planned for all three days. It was so nice to revisit strengths and weaknesses in our marriage and motivates me once again to be the best wife I can be to my hubby. Some couples planned intentional and meaningful conversations and activities for us and we played plenty of games (catch phrase was a personal favorite). Sunday we left after worship and got home and took a family nap. It was a great weekend!

Two Month Shots

This is the day I have been dreading for weeks; the day Pax is scheduled to get his two month immunizations. I haven't been able to sleep the past couple of nights trying to decide how to best comfort my baby from the pain he was going to endure. Should I hold him facing me so that he could see my face and know that I was there for him? Or should I face him the other way with his back against my chest so he didn't associate my face with pain? Sanjay planned to work from home today as I anticipated Pax would need a lot of cuddling and I would probably need a break from holding him all day. My mom was even nice enough to take the day off to come with us. I imagined we would not be able to put him down because he would be in so much pain from the three injections he was getting. It is true I overreacted.
Let me first start by telling you that Pax had a wonderful checkup. He is in the 50% for weight and head circumference and 75% for height. He weighed in at 11 lbs. 12 oz. He is sleeping 10 hours through the night then wakes up for a feeding (usually 6 oz.), and then back to bed. We put him to bed around 7:30pm - 8:30 pm and he has been sleeping until 5:30am - 6:30am, then eats and goes back to bed for another four hours. The morning nap is so consistent; it is always five hours from the time he first wakes up for the first feeding in the morning to when he wakes up for the day (10:30am - 11:30am). He actually loves to eat. Uncle Bill nicknamed him Pack-Man and the name suites him well as he loves to pack in the food. He is averaging about 28-32 ounces a day.
After his check up it was time for the dreaded injections. It turns out that I wasn't able to hold him at all. They laid him on the table, my mom and I were talking and playing with him as the nurse (as carefully as she could) poked him with one needle in his right thigh. WAAAAAAA! Pax screamed. I was torn between overseeing what the nurse was doing and looking into Pax's eyes to try to comfort him. Then the next shot in the same thigh. Then just as he stopped crying BAM, the next shot in the other leg. This all really happened very quickly, and he really only cried about two-three minutes, but it was the absolute worst feeling in the world seeing your baby in pain....even though you know it is to protect them in the future. I quickly scooped him up form the table, with tears running down my face, telling him it's okay mommy's here. He quited down right away. I fed him moments later and he has been fine the rest of the day. In fact, I cried more than he did. He has just been a little tired but not cranky. I am so glad this is over with and feel a little silly for being so scared.

Happy Halloween

Happy Haloween Everyone! I have never been a huge fan of Halloween, so Sanjay and I tried to make it fun every year by having a Haloween party. This was

the first year we didn't have one and probably the best Halloween we've had. We went to Kelly and Eric's for some pizza and tricker treated with Rylie (the busy bee). Sanjay and Eric had fun handing out candy to all of the little kids. My dad and Linda and mom and Suba and Eric's mom were all there too! It was great being with family on this Halloween. Pax has several outfits this year. Thanks to everyone who bought these outfits for him and to our our neighbors for letting us borrow the cow outfit!