Cold Bathroom Floor

Last night was horrible. Sanjay was working upstairs in our office and after almost passing out on my way up the stairs, I opened the door and without saying anything Sanjay immediately came to hug me and tell me I didn't look good (he really meant he was concerned) as he led me to a chair to sit down. Rocking back and forth in stomach pain we were deciding whether or not to go to the hospital when I said "I'll be right back". I went downstairs and forced myself to 'get a little sick' (for the first time during this pregnancy). It was the only way to relieve a little of the pain. Just as I began to feel alone and helpless with tears burning down my face, I felt a loving arm wrap around me and I fell into Sanjay's arms, my back against his chest, as he comforted me and held me on the Cold Bathroom Floor.

As I was all tucked into bed I couldn't help but think about two friends and a stranger; Alissa, Sarah. and Liz (fictitious name). I thought about Alissa because she has been so strong through her pregnancy. Due to work circumstances, Alissa and her boyfriend can not be together until after the baby is born. She lives away from her parents and my heart goes out to her. I then thought about another friend of mine, Alissa's best friend Sarah, and wondered what is was like for her when her husband had no other choice but to travel for work. I bet there were times she needed comforted and felt alone as she too was far from her parents. My mind then raced to a teenage tiny little pregnant girl who I had seen while I was teaching at Lincoln West. She always had a look of fear in her eyes. Does she have any support at all? I wonder if any of these girls have ever had one of those Cold Bathroom Floor moments and had to face them alone.

I am so thankful for friends and family

As Sanjay is on a business trip in Florida, I try to keep my mind occupied so I don't think about how much I really miss him or how sick I feel. I have had some time with my thoughts and gratefulness. I started to write the names of the people who have been so caring --either by visiting, calling, emailing, visiting our blog, texting, sending cards, asking others how we're doing, and those who have been so understanding, and then I feared I might miss someone. So instead I am thanking everyone. You know who you are. Thank you for your wisdom (telling me what to do and not to do), your support (reminding me there is a light at the end of the tunnel), and your understanding (when I can't come out to play).

Thank you to both of my employers FAC (Family Adoption Consultants) and LEAP (Linking Employment Abilities & Potential) for understanding and working with me on days that I try so hard but just can't make it in.

And the gold medal of thanks goes to my mom and Jessica Dillworth. I sit here and still can't believe everything they did for me. Between the two of them they went grocery shopping, cooked dinner, swept the entire house, dusted the house, did laundry, washed the sheets on both beds, changed Colby's litter, went back to the store to buy more litter, did dishes, put away clothes, spent the night, ran errands, and other general house duties. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I can not thank you enough for helping me out. I really needed you.

I Love Everyone!

Peanut Parker has a Heartbeat!!!!!!

Today, Nicole and I went to our first OB/GYN visit. Nicole has been having quite a bit of pain and nausea, so after Googling all of the 'symptoms' - we feared that she either had an ectopic pregnancy . . . or needed more fiber in her diet (Confucious note to all: "Self-diagnosis sometimes not so good; try to seek doctor.")

Anyway - the 7th week visit went very well. It's the first time I've actually ever seen a doctor come in on time. What a concept - meeting customer expectations. I'll save my rants about the medical industry in general for some other posts/venues. : )

We answered some interesting questions about our family and genetic defects. Some things we had never heard of; others we suspected based on behaviour patterns of our relatives. No names will be mentioned, to protect the innocent. The staff was patient and reassuring --- it was nice to have them document a comprehensive medical picture, with bloodwork --- to have on hand as we progress through the next several months.

Then came the ultrasound. Within seconds, Peanut Parker made a cameo appearance on the screen. We both thought - cool -- a little blob in the middle of the screen, just like the books told us the baby would look like at 7 weeks.

Then, the doc asked if we saw the heart beating, and our world changed.

Right in the middle of the picture was our little creation with a heart about half the size of her/his body . . . beating strong and rapidly. We didn't get a rate measure, but by my calculation, I estimated almost 3 beats per second --- for an athletic beat of 165-175 bpm. Did I mention how big the heart was -- just like Peanut's mommy.

Nicole cried. I reveled in the miracle of life.

It's really hard to imagine the perfect engineering that God has created and entrusted us to carry out without even thinking about it. There are so many things that can go wrong in so many ways in the process of the creation of life . . . but, in the vast majority of cases, and for the sanctity of life for the countless babies, kittens, and puppies that are born daily ---- all things go well. Thank you, Lord.

Welcome to your womb, Peanut Parker. You have given us trust to cherish, nurture, and protect you daily. We wait to greet you with open arms at the end of your first journey.

Love, Your Daddy.

I Love My Hubby

Sanjay has been wonderful. He has stepped up to take care of me and household chores. He has been cleaning the kitchen floor, cleaning the oven, cleaning out Colby's litter box, doing laundry, cooking and even grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is a first for Sanjay. He even brought me beautiful orange flowers.

I have been feeling worse than ever; it has been really hard. It was so bad yesterday that I couldn't even get out of bed the entire day and it isn't any better today. On top of being so tired I literally fell asleep at my cousin Diana's wedding when Eric (my brother in law) was in the middle of a conversation with me, and on top of the nausea, my stomach feels like someone just punched me really hard in the stomach combined with a guilty/anxious knotty feeling all day long. It doesn't stop. It is tough because I want more than ever to enjoy this pregnancy. I know this is all part of it and I have heard it is a good sign that the baby is healthy, so that's what I keep telling myself. My sister suggested B6 twice a day. I started this two days ago and am praying it will help soon.

My other friend Kelly suggested a drug called ONDANSETRON ODT. She said it worked wonders for her. They also give this drug to cancer patients to help with nausea. We have our first appointment on Thursday so I will talk to my doctor about my options.